#893.

"We need to realise that being a better musician doesn’t make you a better person, and being a not-so-good-or-so-they-say musician doesn’t make you any less of a person."

Hello I have shifted ! To http://delicatolove.tumblr.com

(should I return to blogger?)

#892.

Today is Yuan's 19th birthday!!!!






Okay so this is the third birthday I'm celebrating for him, every year I look back at our photos and I recall how life was in the past and how much we've changed, how much we've grown.

I remember his 17th birthday I planned a surprise that night, the epic 'my friend passed me the cake through the bus door', totally unforgettable cause he was least expecting the cake to come like that. And he believed that I baked the cake. That oh-so-familiar four leaves choco exotic. It's my favorite cake and I get them for most of my friends' birthdays. Like ck's, Muhd nur, etc. And people eat it and go wow it's nice! So they buy that cake too and now I'm sick of it already. Hahahah and then the cake cutting at downtown east ehub, he even sent me home that night when we were just best friends. Yuan will then go 'yeah right best friends! Hao Jie Mei huh!' and he'd hold my hand, telling me silently that all those HJMF thing was bull shit cause we ended up together HAHA

So one year later was his 18th birthday, like a few days before his birthday I decided to bake a cake to test it out (never baked cakes before, only cookies), and a mean joke he made, stopped me from baking a cake. Till now. So yuan you see, women have wonderful memory. I can't remember when Beethoven was born, or where Haydn composed the 104 symphonies (actually I know la, it's London). But I'll never forget that comment of yours :<

So on his 18th birthday I failed to surprise him with his clique cause of he a lvls block test, and so with four of his orientation juniors we celebrated his birthday.

Thinking back, I think I suck at planning birthday parties or surprises. But this year I managed to surprise him! Okay I think biggest success factor goes to him in army and so he doesn't know what I do outside! HAHA

So for some reason I was preoccupied with history presentation, his card and his present, I totally didn't plan for tomorrow. Even the cake I didn't get!! :(

Today his aunt called me, asking me to go choose piano with her tomorrow! I told her it's his birthday and I'd be picking him and all, then she asked me what's my plan for tomorrow. I laughed and whispered, actually i've no plans for tomorrow leh. So embarrassed to tell them I didn't plan anything for my boyfriend. They must be thinking, what kind of girlfriend is this man!! His mom asked if I have plans and we were like, hehehe no plans leh.

Sigh. I really hope we still have fun tomorrow and he enjoys his day tomorrow. Oh! Maybe we should go to the jewel box! :))))

Okay gonna hurry finish up my history work and paint my nails for tomorrow! Heh heh can't wait to see my love again! Though every week it's that weird feeling I face before he books out. That 'what if it becomes an unhappy weekend' feeling. Hope everything goes well!

Tata!

#891.

Ten Reasons Why I Love You

I love your gentle smile,
I love your tender touch and
I love your kisses so very, very much.
I love the way you flirt with me and
I love the way you laugh and tease,
I love the way you always find the nicest ways to please.
I love the way you cheer me up when you find me with a frown and
I love how you always raise my spirits when life has got me down.
I love you for your conscience and your true sincerity and most of all
I love you for the way that you love me.

#890.

Dave check this out!

#889.

Okay so last night yuan told me he'd be marching to the campsite today and tomorrow his SIT test will start. And this afternoon he called me but I was having piano lesson :( so he texted me to tell me he's leaving! Okay I'm really hoping he does well and I really hope he can book out on Saturday!

Initially I intended to surprise him on his birthday, with the help of his clique but Wisarut is leaving on monday! So we pushed everything forward to the coming saturday! Really hope things go well and I'm sure he will be damn surprised if he doesn't read me like a book. I even lied to him that Wisarut alr went back to Thailand! HAHAHA ok friends when you see this pls don't sabo me ok!

The thought of him being so happy makes me feel eggxcited and happy too! :D

Today over breakfast we were chatting about husbands, upbringing and all. Through the chat I considered myself as a person with good upbringing, a loud one too HAHA, but most importantly I admire how yuan was being brought up and sharing my experience and my relationship makes me realise yuan would make a good husband and a good father. That makes me not wanna let such a good guy go.

I see ourselves saving money together, getting married, planning our finances, designing our own home, starting a family, sharing our thoughts on how our child is going to be brought up. Even if we are not well to do with alot of money to spend after the necessary, I am contented. I see ourselves leading a happy life, spending the weekend flying kites with our child, we may not be able to give our child ballet lessons or golf lessons, but I still teach him music, you bring him downstairs and teach him how to ride a bicycle, play table tennis, we teach our child how to shower our cat/rabbit, I cut the food and you cook them, I wash the dishes and you mop the floor, etc..

Of course there would be times where our views on how to discipline our child is different, you want the piano here but I don't, I want a tiffany and co ring but you find it too expensive and impractical, I am angry and shouting at our child but you are protecting him or her, you want to get another two hamsters but I don't like the idea, etc..

I see happy times ahead of us, I see challenging times ahead of us, now it's too early to say anything but I believe in a few years I/we would be ready to face such times together with you.

Okay I think I've typed alot! Just feeling bored and lazy to do my stuffs and just felt like sharing how I thought then yuan can read them when he's back! :))

Ciao!

#888.

One month since yuan enlisted, and I feel so touched at the fact that besides the days he went outfield and one night he had live firing till 3am, he calls me every night without fail. Whether is it lights out, whether he has no time to bathe, whether how tired he is, he never fails to call me to tell me he loves me.

I could go on and on about how awesome my boyfriend is.

So what if his results are lousy? So what if he can't go to the local unis (Well he can still go to NIE)? So what if he can't?

He is still awesome. His character, his attitude, his love, his heart, such guys are so hard to find nowadays. I wonder how much good deeds ive done to get to be with such an awesome person.

I look around me, I see many happy couples. Yes I envy them but I also see how some guys treat my friends and I wonder how my boyfriend could do so much for me. Really amazed and touched.

Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you. And maybe two is better than one.

#887.

On my way to svf now, had only a crazy 2 and half hours nap! Anyway I slept at five when lol, yuan was supposed to wake up at five. He texted me at 7am to tell me he's going for the field camp already!

Though I was only half awake, I felt a tinge of 'can't bear to let you go' feeling. But I know he'll complete it!

Can't wait to see him but then would be end of study break D: part of me don't want study break to end ! I could really get used to not going to school for 9am lessons srsly...

Okay I'm gonna catch some sleep!

#886.

Yuan called me. and i broke down. the history assignment is really driving me nuts. But everything yuan said in the short phone conversation really empowered me so much. I'm really amazed how much he could cheer me up with that simple few words.

He made me wonder why the hell i even felt insecure about us for the past two weeks. He just totally made me realise whatever i was thinking was totally uncalled for. And he really made me miss him so much at the moment. It's like such moments i really want to hug him and tell him how much i love him. Well i still did la of course but i really can't wait to see him. this time round we're going to get it right. :)

It's 3.40am, i'm about 75% completed with the essay, dont know what i'm writing but i really just wanna come out with the essay and that's it.

Dont think i will catch much sleep since i'm meeting cass at 9am at bishan!

Gonna get muhd nor a cake and we're gonna throw him into postman walk so exciting! But i'm going to catch some sleep later and at svf! Seriously need to sleep because i'll be stuck with like a test on tuesday, and teaching on thursday before yuan returns on friday! Awesome much.

Looking forward to my first lesson with chubby!

Yuan's auntie wants me to go choose piano with her, for nathan! which day should i arrange it to be? And it's kinda exciting cause i'll be like going out with her for the first time, without yuan. Just like how i was alone with his mom and aunt at tekong. Lucky zhenye was there!

Okay back to my essay, goodnight!

#885.

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher

#884.

so tempted to go over to tumblr!

it's study break, how fast it's half a sem gone alr.
but now i'm like stuck with a stupid essay which is so bloody hard to churn out.
but i have to get it done because tomorrow i'll be going down to SVF!
Come on rach, if you can't then you must!

Pretty awesome two days spent with yuan, actually only about 24 hours to be exact but nevertheless i still had fun.

Yesterday was spent slacking and making him food which i promised every book out will be different. Funny promise i feel like a housewife but then again i really find joy in making food for him! I like how he praises my culinary skills :)

He had dinner at my place, before we spent quality time and then he went home to sleep and came over in the morning. He left most of his stuff here and he was surprised i didnt check out the cool stuff! well i only helped him to wash his bottle and wore his funny cap HAHA!

We then spent more quality time together and i made him breakfast. poor yuan was feeling sick but he sacrificed resting time to be with me. feel really touched :')
then helped him to pack his stuff, attempted to fold his sleeve for him but damn fail and i ended up painting my nails while he folded the complicated sleeve HAHA

Then went for a late lunch, walked around to look at hamster cages and then we went back home so that he could get his stuff, get dressed and i really like the way he wear his stuffs i feel so proud of my man!

Went to pasir ris with him, and he bought me an army bag from that army shop there, for me to bring to camps! how sweet of him right, he complained that everytime we buy a bag to share i end up using it and he doesnt get to use it BUT it's not my fault! I offered to let him carry it but he claims it's gay! Well so who chose it in the first place? :)

Okay tomorrow yuan will be going outfield, wont be contacting me for the entire week till thursday night maybe and he'll be booking out on friday! kinda excited to meet him alr but it's a lvl results :/

i hope he'll be well by tomorrow, so that he can complete this field camp safely and happily, i have faith in my man, he won't screw things up! This is really why i always feel so damn proud of my awesome boyfriend. can't wait to give him a big bear hug!

His birthday is coming in 20 days, already making plans and preparing his birthday present i hope he'll like his card!

and why am i here? cause i really feel so damn crappy about the history essay and i need to release my stress and he hasn't called me. i. need. encouragement.

#883.

No matter where life takes us, you can be sure I'll be there for you.

Even if your results isn't good, you wanna be a sailor, a pilot, an engineer, an officer, I will support you all the way.

As long as you have a goal and you don't give up on yourself. I will support you in whatever you want to do.

Thats my promise to you :)

#882.

Yessssarrrr! It's Friday!! Two more days and yuan will book out!

Valentine's day was spent in school, I fell sick in the afternoon but I still went to watch black swan with the girls! Didn't regret going despite my body dying.
Was feeling soo terrible on the way home, was really wishing yuan was around to send me home. If he could he would I'm sure.

So when I finally reached home, I saw this on the table!


Totally caught me by surprise!!! Yuan got someone to deliver the chocolates to me and even got that person to design a card for me. But that person got my name Spelt wrongly HAHAHAH!

So... The epic fail I found out was kk, since he lived so near me and he knew where my place was and the previous night yuan asked for his number.

Totally caught me off-guard I was least expecting it! Yuan never fails to amaze me seriously. Felt so loved and I wish he was here I would run up to him and give him a mega hug!

Really can't wait for yuan to boooook ouuttttttt!!!!

Yuan has already planned what we are going to do on the day he books out I can't wait !

Ok time to wake up and shower and paint my nails bye!

#881.

I went to this blog page, and listening to this song makes me miss you even more. i miss the slow walks we had from my place to the bus stop, with this song playing you sent me back home from the bus stop just because we couldn't bear to part with each other.

Miss you so much cheeky round. dont know why i didn't feel it yesterday, i was still so confident and happy and all but now i feel like a different person. A person who would tear when you called and said you love me.

Today when i received your text i was really surprised and i was grinning from ear to ear. Really can't wait for you to book out! Already looking at the recipe books and deciding what to make you on the 21st!

Okay i need to stop being emo! Gonna continue to be a happy girl and look forward to your return! There is too much about you for me to love. I wonder why i haven't seen such abundance of goodness in you in the past.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, really can't wait for your booking out date to come!

Oh. Did i mention i have many awesome girlfriends around? I must have been blind cause i didn't notice it till this year.
I'm beginning to see more light in this world.

2011 is gonna continue to be awesome! :)

#880.

Today i look at my boyfriend with a different perspective.
A truly handsome man whose beauty comes from within.

You never fail to amaze me, yuan

<3

#879.

Yesterday was an awesome 21st monthsary spent with him!

Yuan came to pick me up from school and we went to have froyo at swirl art and after that we went to change his shirt, and we didn't know where to go :( so we decided to go to suntec to walk around and he bought another two shirts and we had dinner at Aston's. Really awesome dinner! Hardly hear him with lots of praises even while eating! Soooo gonna go back there again!

Before that yuan made me close my eyes on the escalator and when I opened my eyes it was all rabbits!!! Damn cute and some of the lop eared ones were so huge they looked like dogs. Hahahaah!

And anyway the card he gave me was really really nice I was so touched! Was alr close to tears when I finished reading it.

And reading it for the fifth time gives me the same feeling. I will miss him so much when he enlists :(

But that aside I really will find a hobby to take up! Hopefully I have time and I can surprise him hehe!

When he enlists, the happiest people are probably my friends. Hahah xinwei alr asked me out on the 12th since he enlists on the 8th! Valentines day will not be spent with him (again) but I'm quite sure it would be a fun-filled one because of my girlfriends in school!

Okay now I'm in school waiting for xinwei to come and I'm gonna start on my theory hw! Bye!

#878.

22 January. School has been on for two weeks, alot of struggling within myself because I had too much fun at camps during the holidays I still feel very attached to my workplace! Not that now I'm no longer attached to it but I NEED TO BUCK UP.

Need to start being on time and put in my 100%! seeing my friends setting their new year resolution as to start to be on time, I feel bad making her wait for me for an hour yesterday! :(

So my friends at ak are right. I can make school fun and awesome like how I can do in camps, so long as I put in my 100%!

Another two weeks and yuan enters NS. Time is flying real fast! In one month it's term break which means half a sem will be gone!!

Rachael you gotta buck up now!!!!

Okay so now im going to shower, practise piano and work on the present for yuan! Jiayou Rachael you can do this! Ak is waiting for you :))

On a side note, thanks so much Andrew Goh for empowering me time and time again when confidence fails me.

#877.

AN AWESOME START TO THIS YEAR.

Such an irony how I would say this camp is awesome when I faced negativity in the camp like a bad EV or bad feedback from a teacher, but this camp really kickstarted my 2011 well!

(long reflection)

In 2010 I always had mirrors better than me and everytime I screwed up my mirror would be able to help me out and cover up for me. Learnt alot from my mirror Lims in this year. Woodlands ring primary showed me how much I had to learn and how much I wanted to make a difference in those kids' lives. Bukit panjang primary showed me how much more I could learn, and west spring sec showed me how much I could do to make a difference.

Throughout this few camps which I could do during the holidays, i watched and learnt but as much as they taught me alot and brought me to where I was on Sunday, this camp brought me even further and now I am typing this with a totally different feeling. The change is really great and I don't wanna stop learning.

The takeaways and learning while working in AKOE is like a slope. Definitely will learn something but the steepness of the slope would come in and for this camp, the slope was real steep.

Started off coach training feeling lousy because I was separated from my friends and I wanted to see how awesome they were at work. I wanted to work with them again and bond with them. So even though I feel distant and left out because they have so much to talk about live ops but I don't know what's going on and they don't understand what went on over at Outerspace, I'm sure there are many more opportunities as learning and bonding don't stop here!

So I was informed that I was the major 2 IC and that freaked me out. Totally. I have never been a major IC and I really don't know if I could do it! And being in charge with Gaz of 4 classes with only me and Gaz being thr experienced coaches, we had to teach the other 10 new coaches alot of stuff! Really freaked out so while the rest of the coaches were sleeping, fadz, Jeryn, and I had prata bought from Bukit batok and when they all went to sleep Jerrald and I stayed up writing all the debrief points we were going to use in out respective camps. I was totally not prepared to screw up the camp and myself in front of the new coaches! So together with Louis and mahesh's loud snores I worked on the points till 5am and I totally didn't sleep at all. Bad start to the camp man totally!!!

We all went to school in the morning, my heart was still feeling a little lousy but I knew I had to feel good about this camp. I knew that if I did my best I can also make this camp awesome!

So as much as my goal was to make a difference in my campers' lives, on the first day I realised my goals changed. My new goal was to make a difference to my new coaches and to give them alot of learning points to take back so that their next camp would be awesome!

The coaches posed me many many questions and I was totally bf-ed. I knew I had to come up with the solutions fast and I shouldn't bother the apds with such questions. I had to be capable of helping them. I managed to come up with learning points for my coaches to takeaway, proud of myself!

As much as I have learnt, I also learnt how much more I have to learn, totally sucks to know school is starting and I can't do camps till May. But I'm gonna grab any chance I have to go help out! :D

Back to the camp, yuan did live ops and I'm so proud of him! He really surpassed our expectations and I'm glad he gave us a chance to make a difference to him.

Throughout these 4 days I only had 3 hours of sleep! On the last day I left early to go to school to take a test, damn lucky I passed, and then bought bubble tea back for some of them and went back for debrief. The rest of the guys then came and broke camp and then we waited for Ridtz and the rest to come, so Noel and I waited for their debrief before going for lunch, and by the time they ended it was time for dinner HAHAHAAHA

So despite our shagginess yuan brought me to lavender for pig stomach soup!! :D like after so long we finally had a chance to eat that! Through this camp and separation with him, I realised our relationship was stronger than I expected. Really feel so blessed to have him with me!

Most importantly I want to thank sab and Andrew for always being there for me! They really taught me alot, especially during our htht I really appreciate it.

Okay I spent a long time on this, time to get prepared for granny's birthday celebration and this time yuan is coming with me :))

Suspended reality sucks :/

#876.

Woahhhhh it's 2011 already! Hi 2011!

2010 was a good and a bad year. I remember 2010 started out badly, I was totally not looking forward to it but time really flies a year has passed!!! It was a year filled with unhappiness, difficult decisions, risks, and really, faith and trust that things would find a way to work out.

Arrival of the new year was awesome, spent 4 hours at marina square Mac playing daidee and monopoly deal! Damn fun and yeah after that was squeezing, fireworks, squeezing and more squeezing.

Funny fact, everytime ever since nomadic black!, when we see someone jaywalking Yuan and I would naturally think and say: Orh hor! Jaywalk minus five stars!!! No integrity!!!!! HAHAHAHA what difference I make to them! :> it's like MXE teaching me not to use the word t-r-y! It got stuck so MXE, well done k :)) HAHA

So 2010 was filled with school, withdrawal, contract signing, new school, new responsibilities and probably one of the most important things now, difference making.

Life at akoe is awesome. When I say awesome it really doesn't stop at awesome. The place which pushes me out of my comfort zone, the place which forces me to change for the better and the place which makes me happy when I make a difference and upsets me when I don't. You probably have no idea how much tears I shed when I realise I failed to make a difference. Hopefully one day these people whom I think I failed will not fail me.
Oh and also the place which brings me to many many difference makers who also make awesome friends. Friends who will clean each other's tears, hug one another when our heartstrings are tugged, friends who laugh at and with each other, friends who never fail to zeng each other HAHAHA

And of course the rocky road of love and life.

Those uncertainties, those unhappiness, those confused and stressful moments, those insecurity, comes with all the happiness, laughter, love, appreciation, many more to say but I just wanna say it hasn't been easy, the journey was tough but we made it through.

So what I wanna say to you, yuan, watching the fireworks with you don't just mean the video taking or the amount of taxes it cost our parents and friends, but it signifies the celebration of our hard work, our determination and our perseverance. All the sacrifices we made for each other, all the fights we had with each other and ourselves, it really hasn't been easy and WE MADE IT.

So the arrival of 2011 only reminds me that if I could do it in 2010, I can do it in 2011. Yes I can! And if I can't, then I must!

MXE is coming home in 12 days Omg I can't wait missed her so very much!!!!