Wednesday, April 30, 2008

#178.

dammit,
I HATE FLU! DDDD:

it drains my energy,
makes me tear for no rhyme or reason,
makes me use up much tissue paper,
and makes me sleepy.

I HATE FLU!
))))))):

#177.

A Japanese Rose's Love

Clear blue sky
On a summers day when a gentle breeze
with a salty scent blows
A Japanese rose fell in love
with the glittering sun
As long as you look at me
and always smile at me gently
I will bring forth the most
beautiful bright red flowers
Because I love your gentleness
Even if it is just a moment in a short summer memory
I wish that you won't ever forget me.

saw this on the box of the hokkaido biscuit.
it's DAMN NICE.
and porky told me the durian icecream is damn nice too.

dammit,
im having a flu now,
and i miss tangyuan! ):
i wanna eat tangyuan! x(

#176.

SOMETHING'S VERY WRONG WITH MY EYES.

this have probably been going on since i used expired contact lens solution,
my eyes would be tired and pain.
this sucks.

went to specs hut just now,
cuz stupid wanted to make specs,
and i wanted to make contacts again.
but SIMON KHAW didnt allow me to.
he dont like me to make contacts.
that mad guy,
got money to earn dont want.

anw, it got abit draggy,
and i was too tired to go for tuition.
so i'll have to go down tmr.
idiot's still there,
and brainless' gonna watch tv, and study history!
GO GO GO! XDD

im becoming mad again.

thanks stupid for enlightening me!

does he still love me?
it doesnt matter to me anymore,
not because i dont love him,
but so long as i know i love him,
it's enough.
my faith and love is enough to keep me going.
and it'll bring me to him in the end.

"Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe."
-Saint Augustine

P.S. Our nicknames are kinda permament,
hock = stupid
wanjing= idiotic
me=brainless.
LOLOLOL.

#175.

MY PAPER IS SCREWED UP MAN.

sat there for like 10 minutes,
thinking of how to to do sbq questions.
and then my lip bled.
cuz it was broken,
and i itchy mouth go bite.
!@#$%^&*

and THANKS granny for the lunch.
i SO LOVE YOU. ^^

gonna go down to TM to help STUPID HOCK to buy specs,
and IDIOTIC WANJING buy the notebook.
LOLOLOLOL.

and BRAINLESS RACHAEL will follow the SUPID AND IDIOTIC THERE.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
x)))))))

IM SO BORED.
and I SO HATE THE WEATHER.

first it's effing hot,
now it's effing cold.
WTH.

:DD
tmr holiday! XDD
hocky go study tmr!! xD

"People change and forget to tell us."
-Lilian Hellerman

i love you.

#174.

DAMMIT, IM EFFING TIRED.

screw the paper later man.
i studied, and had this terrible headache from last night till now.
and all i've studied have seemed to go down the drain.
dammit!

omfg, im turning vulgar.
im stressed!
!@#$%^&*

i shall just go there, see what kind of paper they're giving us,
before i decide whether it's a killer or not.
the teachers are becoming cleverer.
we cant spot and bang on certain topics now.
damn damn damn damn.

okay, the pain is back.
damn.
DDDD:

i need you back into my life.
badly.
i so miss you darling.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

#173.

i dont know what the hell is wrong with me,
but i really dont wanna regret.
i have alot of thoughts going through my mind.
i dont wanna wait till i regret.
i will still keep to the agreement and wait till after the o's.
but it's just it.
i just want to get this questions out.
do you still love me?
are you still waiting for me?
please tell me.
i feel so ....f*cked up.

#172.



夜亦如此的颓废
思念不放手让我睡
你最喜欢听的爵士音乐
幽暗的忧伤的残念
而我站在照片的左边
快乐离我越来越远
每年这个季节特别有感觉
我好想你想再见你一面
让我们重来好不好
再一次温暖的拥抱
求时间停在这一秒
倾听你的耳语心跳
许多事曾经是煎熬
回头看 突然都明了
用一切换你的微笑

而我站在照片的左边
快乐离我越来越远
每年这个季节特别有感觉
我好想你想再见你一面
让我们重来好不好
再一次温暖的拥抱
求时间停在这一秒
倾听你的耳语心跳
许多事曾经是煎熬
回头看 突然都明了
用一切换你的微笑
就像在歌的转折
总有一些期待
真心才能詮释的爱

我们重来好不好
再一次温暖的拥抱
求时间停在这一秒
倾听你的耳语心跳
许多事曾经是煎熬
回头看 突然都明了
用一切换你的微笑

#171.

oh yes,
i most probably will be leaving to hongkong for 8 months,
to got the certificate of teaching from ABRSM.

but i wont be giving up the big O's for it,
so i'll go only after that.
i'll probably sacrifice one year
and start my classes one year later.
what classes, i not sure either.

the future is too much for me to take.

what'll happen to me after that,
im not sure.
i only know i want to get the certificate.
and i'll only do so after i settle everything here.

#170.

WHAT'S THE BIG FAT PROBLEM WITH THE WEATHER?!
and for the first time,
wanjing and i got one parking lot outside the class with hock.
LOL.
hock, gab and the rest are like the regulars, while we're new.
HAHA.
but still enjoyed ourselves out there.
haha.

maths lesson, had fun at the library.
there was this sec1 girl sitting beside us,
and hock went: hey girl. hey girl.
she didnt react.
i then said, wow! this girl is cute!
she immediately turned and look.
LOL.
then asked for her name, and i kena whacked by hock.
i asked her name twice, and still said her name was unique.
then hock asked me wat's her name, i said: wat's ur name again?
and then he whacked me, say i act cute.
but please, the name is like HARD TO CATCH.
haha.
anw, her name is kok xin?
hock then started to make fun of it.
LOL.
anw, phy lesson was VERY BORING.
collins' lesson can really help when i have insomnia.haha.
amaths lesson, managed to crack some answers which the class couldnt get,
and i think i used up my cleverness.
cuz after that i thought i was really idiotic.
LOL.
mrs wong then gave a 5 minutes "CME" lesson,
telling us to appreciate our loved ones,
tell them i love them, otherwise it might too late.
so lunch period i did so,
i smsed mummy and daddy,
saying i love them,
and mummy called me almost immediately,
the convo was like:
Me: hello.?
Mummy: u siao ah?
<*breaks into hysterical laughter*>
Me: of course not. cuz mrs wong blah blah blah.
Mummy: crazy. later remember to check the price!
and daddy replied me saying: why suddenly say i love u, something's wrong.
i then replied him, explaining the sms, and blah blah.
i also told him that,
though he didnt reply.
but it's okay, as long as he read it.

i smsed rickyKOR too,
and he replied:of course you love me, you want me to buy u the clip right. haha.
IM SO HURT. xPP
LOL.
today's ben&jerry's ice cream cone day,
remember last year went to get it,
and this year hock wanted to go again.
so eugene, hock and i bus-ed there,
and mummy called me and told me i need to know the prics by 4PM.
pfbth.
this year there's like double the people lah..
and hock was TOO EMBARRASSED TO QUEUE HIMSELF.
we then decided to give this year a miss.
i'll treat you ben&jerry's ice cream okayyyy~~~
xDD
dammit,
ss exam is tomorrow,
and im NOT READY FOR IT.
damn damn damn.

okay, off i go to study.

MY NEW PHONE. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

"Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it."
-Anonymous

now i know i wont regret so much if anything happens.
well, at least i've told you i love you.
better than nothing. (:
what about you?
do you still wanna leave things till you regret?

Monday, April 28, 2008

#169.

IM SOOOO EFFING PLEASED WITH MY SCIENCE PRACTICAL!

though i had a TEENY WEENY problem with the bunsen burner. xD
and i think,
the physics section,
i should get it right bah.

and MUMMY Just bluffed 300 bucks from me!
!@#$%^&*
i feel so CHEATED.

she called me when i was about to enter the lab,
and the conversation goes this way:

Me: i gotta go! science practical. call u later!
Mummy: no! now! do u wanna buy a new phone?
Me: ok ok ok.
Mummy: i Phone.
Me: ok ok ok.
Mummy: 300 bucks.
Me: ok ok ok.
Mummy: you pay.
Me: ok ok ok.
Mummy: ok bye.

upon the hang up,
i was like.
WTFFF! IM PAYING FOR IT?!
but it was too late to call her,
had to go in le,
so i called her after that,
but it was kinda too late.
i lost the 300 bucks aldy.

but that phone looks really cool.
((:

Sunday, April 27, 2008

#168.

if you have read the newspaper,
yesterday's straits times showed an eight year old boy was killed in a car crash,
where he flew out of the minibus.
he died.

and in today's straits times,
a breast cancer sruvivor died in a car accident.
her husband was too upset, that he even tried to kill himself.

my friend's cousin passed away in a car accident recently.

it made me feel life is SO fragile.
and i feel this is all predestined.

BUT. whether it's today, tomorrow,
whenever it is,
dont regret when the day comes.

i really hope i dont regret not doing things i wanted to do
while im still around.



Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?

Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies
That filled our minds
You knew how I loved you
But my spirit was free
Laughin' at the questions
That you once asked of me

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Now looking back at all we've planned
We let so many dreams
Just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long
Before we'll see
How sad the answers
To those questions can be

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?

#167.



I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

#166.

OH YES.

rickyKOR is back from taiwan,
and he said he got me something! ((((:
and he calls it, whatsoever bu neng shuo de mi mi.
LOL.

forgot to ask him to buy the butterfly clip for me.
T.T

i loved that clip, and i remember he loved it too.
but i cant seem to find it anywhere.

i'll continue to look for it.
i swear.

#165.

I LOVE PORKY! <333333

he came, and bought me tangyuan. XDDDDD
and xiongGE just called me zhutou.
pfbth.

was supposed to go to the airport to pick godpa justin and girly,
but didnt go because of the tangyuan,
and they told me i just missed a chance to eat ice cream.
i then called mummy,
and they called me zhutou,
cuz i was TOO GULLIBLE.
PFBTH.

and i did VERY little studying this weekend.
and the weekend is GONE just like that.

BOO HOO.
tmr IS SPA.
we'll just go and congratulate collins for chelsea's win in the premier league,
and we'll ALL GET AN A1.! xD
yea, we'll just continue to dream.
LOL.

alright, off the hit the books then the bed.
xD

"Everything in the universe goes by indirection. There are no straight lines."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"tell me what to do. god, why does it have to be so hard?"

it's not hard. it's painful, but it's not hard. you know what to do already. if you didn't, you wouldn't be in so much pain.

there are no solutions, no easy answers. you just breathe deep, and wait for it to subside.

most of the time, pain can be managed. but sometimes, the pain gets to you when you least expect it. it's way below the belt, and doesn't let up. pain - you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it.

and life always makes more.

i still miss you.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

#164.





over the sea and far away
she's waiting like an iceberg
waiting to change,
but she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

all the muscles tighten in her face
buries her soul in one embrace
they're one and the same
just like water

then the fire fades away
but most of everyday
is full of tired excuses
but it's too hard to say
i wish it were simple
but we give up easily
you're close enough to see that
you're the other side of the world to me

on comes the panic light
holding on with fingers
and feelings alike
but the time has come
to move along

can you help me
can you let me go
and can you still love me
when you can't see me anymore

i wish it were simple
but we give up easily
you're close enough to see that
you're the other side of the world to me


"When one admits that nothing is certain one must, I think, also add that some things are more nearly certain than others."
- Bertrand Russell

#163.

went to bring brother to yamaha earlier,
and on the way back,
saw mr siow drive past.
like WOW.
i see him everywhere.
so dangerous lah.
imagine im with a guy,
im dead meat.
he'll surely ask me and make hell lots of noise.
LOL.

then, went to swimming pool to give jack coach the fees,
and he looked at me with those kind of eyes, as if saying:
"WHY NEVER SWIM?"
he didnt need to ask, i told him,
"hair v long. very heavy. later head sink into the pool how?"
ROFL.
he then took his wet trousers that weighed a ton and smacked my head.
=.-

it's high time i go back to swimming team.
i've been lost too long, i think i can drown if i go down. HAHA.
on the way back, saw douglas and his parents,
and brandon called me.
he was at the court, and saw me.
i was like shocked,
and he said cuz the sotong head v big. so can see.
LOL. LAME SHIT.
haha.

and I HAVEN'T STUDIED today. )):

"A relationship is like holding sand in your hand. Hold it loosely and it stays in your palm. But as soon as you hold it tightly, it slips through your fingers."
-Anonymous

i still love this phrase. (:

are you very happy now?
without me in your life.?

#162.

POPULAR HASN'T RE-OPENED! T.T

went for tuition, did qualitative analysis,
and trust me, i nearly went mad.
SO EFFING TOUGH.

shall spend the weekend doing english homework, studying ss, memorising the colours, and trying the songs.
i have spent too little time on my piano. )):

MONDAY'S SPA! DDDD:
WEDNESDAY'S SS!! DDDD:

the midyear stress is back.
the pimple breakouts, ulcers, etc.
omfg.
i hate this.

CA results is out, and im totally UNHAPPY WITH MY RESULTS.
english, 2nd in class.
sounds good?
not at all. whole class failed. 2 E8s, and 40F9s.
im the second E8.
chinese, E8.
amaths, A1.
science, A1.
SS/Hist, D7. i totally CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY.
the tests where i get 80+%, is the tests which is like 16% of overall.
those i failed, carry like 40+%. WTF LAH.
and lastly, D&T.
20%. CA1 10% + this round mr chang gave me 30%, avg is 20%.
hock got 10% overall. WAHAHHAHA.
first time i win him for dnt!! LOL.
wait till he sees this. he's so gonna kill me. xPP

this results will hold 40% of my overall for midyear.
so i must like get 56.2% to pass english, and 81.2% to get a B3!
WTH! it's like highly impossible!

im so pissed off with my results.
ARGH.
oh ya. forgot about my chinese essay.
i think i can make phyllis tan tear. HAHA.

the title was, "that night, i lost sleep."
initially wanted to write about seventh month,
but forgot what hungry ghost festival was in chinese.
so, i happened to chance upon this in the dictionary:
seventh day of the seventh month in the lunar calendar, the cowherd and weaving maid will meet in the skies and blah blah.
so i used this for my introduction, and wrote a love story.

IRONY IS, everytime i blog about something,
that thing wont seem that nice to me aldy.
HAHA.
i suddenly feel my essay is not exactly that good.
LOL.

im effing irritated with jun.
tell him this, must argue with me! xD
tell him dun ask, say okay, then ask again. LOL.
surprise then surprise mah.
and i prolly will bring a 100cm girl to his place.
HAHHAHA.

okay, i gotta start studying.
MID YEAR BLUES ARE BACK. T.T

Friday, April 25, 2008

#161.

ALVIN IS EFFING GROSS!
xPPPP

happened to meet him after tuition, and chatted for a while.
he told me about the tampines yamaha vs plaza sing, how good herbert, kelvin, ronald, and HE was. obviously.
haha.

then we boarded the bus, and at the traffic light, he looked out, saw a lady on a motorbike. he then told me, look. sexy girl on bike.
i was like, oh please. where got sexy, thigh like pig.
then he said yeah so fat.
i then said, i have nicer legs than her.
LOL.
guess what. he wanted to lift up my skirt.
i was like. IDIOT!
and whacked him.

so sickening. he's supposed to be pure,
cuz he's my ideal boyf.
but. omfg.
hahaha.
luckily he's not really that bad, if not he'll get hell from me.
LOL.

tuition today was kinda okay. just that i had to sit near the aircon, and had a tummy upset.
something wrong with me again. T.T

i need to replenish my stationery and foolscap badly!! DD:

#160.

MID YEAR HAS OFFICIALLY STARTED.
T.T

today's english situational writing sucks.
i forgot how to write feedback.
sigh.

but i love my essay.
im impressed that i can write such a good essay.
LOL.
hock is saying that i'll cry when i fail it.

oh and that reminds me,
I DIDNT GET A1 FOR MY HIST TEST!!! )))))))):
i nearly cried sia.
study SOO HARD and didnt get A1.
and hock DIDNT STUDY,
he not only got an A, he got an A1!!

back to today's mye,
the topic was DISCOVERY.

so i made it into a narrative essay,
and i wrote something along this line:

"People have discovered, and people are still discovering, even for a commoner like me.
My first discovery happened after i was brought into a world of light, where previously it was just darkness. I began to see things and made noises i never thought i could.
I then discovered i have two eyes, two ears, one nose and a mouth.
and strangely, people around me have the same features, but unexplainably different.
I also discovered i could talk with my mouth, and the person in front of me was as fascinated as me. I then called that person 'mummy' , and the person who would take care of me at night 'daddy'.
Apart from that, i discovered that everytime i was belted in a large object, trees and lamp-posts would move.
I then discovered, that every year i would be blowing candles off a cake, and everyone around me would be sharing the cake with me, and the candles would increase by the year.
As i grow up, i continued to discover things, and also discover answers to my previous discoveries.
I discovered that the large object is called a car, and that trees didnt move, the car did. I also discovered the candles represented my age, and the cake was meant to celebrate the success of my growing-up.
I also discovered, that my socks would shrink, though my feet grew larger.
I also grew taller, and my skirts would strangely get shorter by the year.
But as i grow up, i expect myself to continue to discover, and it will be as fascinating. It has impressed me, it is impressing me, and it will continue to impress me."

i think that's all. HAHA.

now, i feel i didnt write that well afterall. hahaha.
okay, off to tuition.
tata! XD

"Within your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go."
-Louise Driscoll

thanks for your wish, whether real or not. (:

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

#159.

seriously, i have alot to blog about.
but the irony is, everytime i get to blog,
i forget what i wanna blog.

anw, today was kinda crappy.
got damn pissed off at the bus drivers.
with the bus 81 thing, i got totally turned off with SBS Transit.
yesterday also.
we were nearly late because of SBS Transit.

then after amaths, we were about to leave the classroom,
when ong was catching afeeq and eugene.
i went back in, and pulled up my socks.
but i forgot my socks had a teeny weeny hole, i pulled too hard, and it became a humongous hole.
i was pissed off.

then PE, i went to be wanjing's pacer.
and it kinda pisses me off,
cuz i didnt do as well for my own 2.4km test.
dunno why, when help her, the timing is like effing better.
omfg. totally cannot stand it. T.T

but it shows i make a good pacer. xDD

then met alvin for dinner, and he was like spending 99.99999% of his time suaning me,
giving hock new ideas on how to make fun of me. )):
and trust me,
alvin goh can really sa jiao damn well.
LOL.
tuesday, i must make sure i do work.
if i ever steps into his house.
hahah.

but at least he helped me suan hock.
if not, i will never ever speak to him again! >.<

"When love beckons you, follow him though his ways are hard and steep."
-Kahlil Gilbran

im living well.
i suppose i can go on like this for the next few months
and still make it back to you till then.

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be.

That's when you have to tell yourself things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down.

But those are times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgements.
and after a while,

you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaving that company doesn't mean security.
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises;

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

Thank you, darling.

Monday, April 21, 2008

#158.

"Like The Tree Needs The Earth, Like The Nights Needs The Moon, Like The Star Needs The Sky, Like The Guitar Needs The Tune, My World Needs You."
Do you remember this phrase?
"It takes minutes to have a crush, hours to like someone, days to love, and a lifetime to forget someone."
Do you remember?

I seriously miss you.

I hate life at home.
the shoutings, the fightings,
im sick and tired of them.

I may not be involved in them, but i really hate it.
i cant do anything right when i hear these,
and i get effing irritated.

dont they know when to shut their effing gap?
and they make me feel terrible.

those shoutings somehow make me miss him.
it makes me miss his embrace.
many many many.

i feel very tired.
very tired.

i wish i'll just sleep and never wake up.
this way i neednt think about everything and anything.

someone save me!



Remember we'd be up all night
Talking 'til the morning light, yeah
Like the way it used to be
Those simple days
Just you and me

I think baby I know
What's on your mind
Cuz you look like you've
Got something to say

I may not say those words anymore
But maybe it just ain't my way

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

Remember we used to laugh and say
No one else could get in our way
And there were times
When you would cry
And came knocking
On my door
And I was there
To shelter your pain

I think baby you should
Get that off your mind
Make it seem like
A brighter day

I may not say those words anymore
But maybe I can make it my way

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

The answer girl
Lies within your heart
Take a look inside

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you, yeah

#157.



如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到 心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己 像是空气

大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我 笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己

如果你愿意一层一层
一层的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我 最压抑
最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层
一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意

听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望 装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你有一秒
专属的剧情

如果你愿意一层一层
一层的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我 最压抑
最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层
一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意

你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意~

#156.

So much to say
But where do I start
Would you listen if I spoke from the heart
It's simple things
That keep us apart
You know it doesn't have to be this way

Can't you hear it in my voice
You gotta listen when I say

Don't let me go when I'm this low
Why can't we talk about it
Why can't we figure it out
I wanna know as people grow
How do they sort it all out
Work out what love is about
So tell me now yeah I've gotta know
When this feeling I've got won't let go

Some people stop
And some people stare
I'm hearing whispers that you no longer care
Should I stay
Should I turn away
Stop playing games now you know it's not fair

Can't you hear it in my voice
You gotta listen when I say

Don't let me go when I'm this low
Why can't we talk about it
Why can't we figure it out
I wanna know as people grow
How do they sort it all out
Work out what love is about
So tell me now yeah I've gotta know
When this feeling I've got won't let go

You make me think I've got this feeling for you
I've tried so hard, won't you listen to me?
Cause we can make it we can see this through
Let me start by telling you

Don't let me go when I'm this low
Why can't we talk about it
Why can't we figure it out
I wanna know as people grow
How do they sort it all out
Work out what love is about
So tell me now yeah I've gotta know
When this feeling I've got won't let go

#155.

MY TEST PROLLY GET THE A1.
if not,
sigh.
i'll kill myself.
hahaha.
but that wont happen, cuz i will get the A1.
:DDDDDDD

and,
dammit, cuz i forgot to bring my dnt folio to school!
sigh.
hock said mrchang will give us some marks.
yeah, 10% huh?
sigh.
my report card's gonna be dirty again.
x(((

oh! and i love my TCC card! XDDDDDDD
TCC's in for a good treat.
im so gonna buy more of their ice choco.
omfg, im thirsty aldy. LOL.

my physics test results sucked.
kinda sian over the results.
it's high time i give some time to that subject,
otherwise collins will come nag at me.
or rather,
he's done so aldy.
he said:" rach, what's happened to your results? you can do better than that de right. blah blah blah."
omg. thinking about his nags gives me the shivers.

hock, you're so gonna lose the bet. ^^

"A relationship is like holding sand in your hand. Hold it loosely and it stays in your palm. But as soon as you hold it tightly, it slips through your fingers."
-Anonymous

do you still think of me when it's 2222hrs?
do you miss me?
do you still think of me when you're bored during presentations?
who do you talk to when you're bored now?

is a woman's intuition true?
i said previously i hope it aint.
but now i somehow hope it is.


"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears."
-John Vance Cheney


Sunday, April 20, 2008

#154.

MY HISTORY TEST TMR MUST GET A1!
IF NOT, IM SO GONNA KILL MYSELF.

i wasted 4 hours just now, studying the cold war.
and i think i have bugged ms junainah long enough.
if she didnt get irritated with me, i would have been irritated with myself.
HAHA.

and in the midst of studying, just as i was fretting over why stalin didnt shoot the west down when they flew past east berlin,
i received a phone call from jing.
but it was someone else on the line.
hock at first i think.
then after that i know it was guoxin.
apparently they prank-called me.
and i was effing irritated.

well,
god knows why i was so pissed.
i didnt go celebrate minhui's birthday for some reasons,
study, mood, and because GUOXIN was going.
of course, that held the least percentage,
but of all people,
him.

i swear, im not going to be angry at him,
cuz i'd probably kill many brain cells UNNECESSARILY.
over a person like him,
NOT WORTH IT.

and I HOPE GUOXIN SEES THIS.

anyway,
i have given up doing those a maths papers,
as i think it's true that if i cannot do o lvl papers cleanly,
no point i do those papers.
so i think,
i'll either copy, or dont do at all.

okay, im gonna continue studying the berlin blockade.
I GOTTA GET THE A1!

omfg, i just remembered i havent done my dnt folio! Shucks.

'strangers to friends, friends to lovers.
lovers to friends, friends to strangers.'
adapted from jollyn's blog.

"Your heart is not living until it has experienced pain... the pain of love breaks open the heart, even if it is as hard as a rock."
-Hazret Inayat Khan

i admit i have a wild imagination.
and i can really think alot.

#153.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

#152.

DONT LIKE DNT! x(

have to hand in my folio on monday,
so that they can key in the marks for mid year.
i dont wanna have a D,E or F in my report card for this mid year.

so i have to chiong the folio.
no matter what, i have to pass.

oh yes.
apparently, hock and i are not going to go for the maths olympaid.
they didnt manage to find enough people,
and we couldnt form a class.
thus they didnt register us.

kinda disappointed,
as when i saw the website,
those finalists were all from schools like rgs, ri, hwa chong, blah blah.
i had this urge to put my name and the school's name on top.
BUT. too bad.

SPA is on 28th april!~ BOO HOO!!!

i had a dream last night.
i wonder,
i ponder,
and i still dont know.

is a woman's intuition real?
is it reliable?
i hope it aint.

"If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough."
- Ann Landers

Thursday, April 17, 2008

#151.

BOO HOO.

my chinese oral sucked.
dun know why, this year my chinese suck big time.
only know how to write.
speak oso speak wrongly.
lots of words dont know how to read,
dont know the meaning.

sigh.
english oral wasnt that bad.
lucky that i got sajnani.
but i know i scored 7/12 for the reading. T.T

there was some registration thing for some workshop at SP.
i chose music technology, and it will be held on 3rd to 5th june.
ALL THE BEST TO JUN,
cuz i'll be bugging him for these 3 days.
WAHAHAHA.

AMaths test on functions sucked.
really brought everyone's mood to the lowest.
totally had no mood to walk, talk, eat, whatever.
until...
we met husni.
it's so strange how this person can make us all smile and everything.
and i swear, he didnt speak a word.
he didnt even need to breathe a word.
it's just something i cannot explain that shows in his face.

thinking about yesterday,
after oral, was feeling down cuz of the bad reading,
and guess what.
the way he said hi to me was EFFING CUTE.
i swore i could just melt at that instant.
super super duper cute.
x)

but my amaths differentiation test was not bad. 28/31.
second in class. xD
i heard that she's not gonna mark the functions test,
cuz everyone never do well.
but i still wanna know how 'well' i did. DD:

practicals coming,
but i still dont know how to start a bunsen burner.
it's screwed. period.

came across this book,
and i think it's really helpful.
it has helped me alot,
and THE BOOK EMPHASIZES THAT WE SHOULD LAUGH MORE OFTEN.
thankyou for supporting my thinking. xD

i've decided that no matter what happens,
i must remain happy and cheerful.
at least show that.
haha.

i'm still waiting for my theory results.
im dead meat.

had a pimple breakout,
and it was okay until varian called me,
looked at me,
and said:"
RACH! YOU HAVE A PIMPLE!"
i swore i could have slapped him.
say until so loud.

and for the rest of the day,
i practically covered it with my wallet.
sigh.
my stress begins.

"Love doesn't make the world go around. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
-Franklin P. Jones

i'll be waiting.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

#150.

EEEEEEEEEE.

alvin pangseh-ed me again. x((((
HAHA. first, i sms-ed him, asking where he was, since i was near his house.
he was at home, and at first said useless to go down and hi bye,
and after that he told me i could come up, but i was alone.
not scared he get naughty and cant hold back his urges. LOL.

he really said it.

Alvin: Lol see how la. But you'll be alone? You not scared come alone ah, wait i get naughty and can't hold back my urges. Haha..
Me: Diao. I trust you wont lor. Later i end liao call you. Then you can shun bian show that you're nice and send me home. Hahaha.
Alvin:Haha. I don't have so much time ok. You can come here dunno how to go back yourself ah. Haha ok have fun at tuition.

This sms set me laughing like a mad person.
haha.

Monday, April 14, 2008

#149.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Rachael!

  1. Rachael is worth her weight in gold - literally!
  2. Rachael will give a higher yield if milked when listening to music.
  3. If rachael was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human.
  4. Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of rachael in a day.
  5. Rachaelocracy is government by rachael!
  6. It is impossible to fold rachael more than seven times!
  7. The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only rachael.
  8. If you kiss rachael for one minute you will burn six or seven calories!
  9. The International Space Station weighs about 500 tons and is the same size as rachael!
  10. Edinburgh imports three thousand kilograms of rachael every year.
I am interested in - do tell me about


this is funny.
saw this on zt's blog.

hock and i had fun playing with wanjing's name. HAHAHA.
one particular tip, she sleeps 20 hours a day, 2 hours lesser that koalas. LOL!

and i saw this on someone else's blog, thought it was meaningful.

"Instead of saying that man is the creature of circumstance, it would be nearer the mark to say that man is the architect of circumstance." - Thomas Carlyle
the grass is always greener on the other side, but a happy gardener wouldn't notice. are you happy?

&

"A person needs at intervals to separate from family and companions and go to new places. One must go without familiars in order to be open to influences, to change." - Katharine Butler Hathaway
people say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. sometimes we get a little frightened. it's not that we're afraid of change, or that we're in love with the old ways. it's the 'in-betweens' we fear.

it's jumping off a trapeze mid air. it's Linus when his blankie is in the dryer.

there's nothing to hold on to.

over the years i have learned that worry gives a small thing a big shadow. when you're skating over thin ice, your safety is dependent on your speed. same thing with change; knowing what must be done does away with fear. this logic probably don't work well with people who can't keep to their new year resolutions. always reverting back to old habits, bad decisions; which unfortunately, most of us do.

you can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea. but of course, your estimate of it makes a lot of difference. how old do you think you are today?

#148.

I LOVE MY DADDY!! (((((:

thank you daddy.
i really really appreciate it alot,
and i really love it alot.

im so proud of you.
not all fathers know how to do it.
but you do.
I SO LOVE YOU.
more than anyone else.

well, my fantastic father sacrificed his sleep,
to help me with the styrofoam for my dnt,
and only slept at around 1.
im so proud of him,
cuz without him,
i wont know what to do.

i was really touched.
though i did mention and ask him to help me with it,
i didnt expect him to really sit down and help me.

gosh.
i so feel like crying.
i just told myself,
my other half must be like him.
loving towards everyone,
caring and so on and so forth.

yesterday attended sister's concert. coincidentally, alvin sms-ed me. HE CLAIMED HE VERY LONG NEVER SEE ME LIAO, but when i go look for him, he stare at his phone.
alvin and melvin is making me feel like returning to yamaha. x((((

mum told me to accept melvin's offer.
to teach his niece.
but i still dont think i will.
perhaps later in the year. xDDD
melvin, wait for me! XD

today's hist was funny.
'bourgeoise', means segments of society which is educated, rich, and own their own lands.
many had difficulty pronouncing it,
and we happened to chance upon a simpler term.
its called, "BO ZUA DZI."
HAHAHAHA!
it was really cool,
and as usual, the two got horny.
we even had a date, which i apparantly didnt go.
jinhwee promised me fullerton hotel, room facing the singapore river. so if i open the window,
i will be able to see the esplanade.
LOL. this is crap.

went to whitesands with hock and jing,
which now seems like a weekly procedure,
and it was shopping for stationery.
and TRUST ME.
it's not enjoyable going out with any of us,
and using vouchers.
cuz we are constantly typing on the calculator, making sure we make full use of the voucher, and dont overspend too much.
HAHAHA.

then went to library, and went for book-hunting.
did some sudoku thingy, and it was so darn simple.
simply because,
they practically gave us say.. 75% of the numbers. HAHAHA.

APPOLOGIES TO RICKY KOR, for not being able to make it today.
but am touched that you still call me out. :D

i'm still waiting.
i'm still waiting for your reply.
i'm still waiting for dont-know-what.

people scold me dumb.
people are glad that im looking at other guys.
but people dont know it's just something i do, and it says nothing about my heart.

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle; love is a war; love is a growing-up."
-James Baldwin

Sunday, April 13, 2008

#147.

RICKY KOR IS LEAVING FOR TAIWAN ON 22nd APRIL! )))):
i will miss him! xDDD

wanted to be sweet and see him off,
but too bad for him.
his flight is too early for me.
i would still be stuck in school.

so sorry kor!
but i will still try to make it when you return! xDD

#146.

IT'S TIME I CONTINUE TO WORK ON THAT SUPER TOUGH A MATHS WORKSHEET.

it's eff-ing tough, i spent 3 hours on 8 questions, and i still have about 7 left.
and then revision for mid-year will begin.
mid year sucks.
i dont wanna take mid-year.

just feel tired.
and i wanna get well! )):



I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me


you said im childish.
you said im naive.
you said im not matured.

but you dont seem as matured as you claim to be.
cuz if you were, you would reply my sms.
whether good or not,
you will reply.

im beginning to doubt what i see.
im beginning to doubt what i think.
im beginning to doubt what i see in you.

im lost, but you wouldn't let me see the light.
dont you think that's very selfish of you?
you want me to concentrate on the o's.
how to if i cant see the light?

im tired.
i seriously am.


"It's not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving."
-Mother Teresa

Saturday, April 12, 2008

#145.

SPEECH DAY WAS A HIT.

firstly, yensoon and yi xuan looked really really handsome!
in their band uniform. looked REALLY SMART. xDD

next, husni looked really really cute in that councillor uniform too!
:DDDDDDDDDDDD
he's eff-ing cute, i tell you.


our theme song this year. really nice song.



Deep within each heart
There lies a magic spark
That lights the fire of our imagination
And since the dawn of man
The strenght of just "I can!"
Has brought together people of all nations

There’s nothing ordinary
In the living of each day
There’s a special part
Every one of us will play

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
As the world gives us its best
To stand apart from all the rest
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

Your mind will take you far
The rest is just pure heart
You’ll find your fate is all your own creation
Every boy and girl
As they come into this world
They bring the gift of hope and inspiration

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

There’s so much strength in all of us
Every woman child and man
It’s the moment that you think you can’t
You’ll discover that you can

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

The power of the dream
The faith in things unseen
The courage to embrace your fear
No matter where you are
To reach for your own star
To realize the power of the dream

though i still preferred last year's parade.
the bollywood dance.
unforgettable.

anw, nick didnt turn up afterall.
and towards my turn,
had butterflies in my stomach.
thought about what i should do if i fell from the stairs,
or drop the scroll.
or forget to greet the GOH.

but at least things turn out better.
OH! as i was walking away, my watch got hooked into leonard's pocket.
nearly pulled him off the stage.
HAHA.

so had to rush lunch cuz daddy had dental appointment.
and then he sent us home,
and i watched 'P.S I Luv U' again.
this time i didnt cry. xD
because granny was asking questions and i couldnt concentrate.
her questions were kinda redundant,
cuz in the end the answers wuld be on the screen.
HAHAHAHA.

and next year,
my parents will attend the speech day again.
hopefully,
there will be another person to share my joy by that time.

why? is that a hint?
i read your blog, and i dont know why.
but i still sent that sms out.
but you neednt change the post or what?
can you please tell me what's on your damn mind?
i really cannot take it any longer.
it's like an explosive,
ready to explode anytime.
will someone help me?!


im really tired. i hope this will stop.
if i had a chance to start things all over again,
i wont let you leave like that again.

"When someone allows you to be vulnerable enough so as to reveal yourself - cracks, flaws and all - that person becomes really dear to you."
-Jennifer Leigh Youngs

#144.



You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
 than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you on what you say or do
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
 leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
 still trapped within my truths
A hesitant prizefighter
 still trapped within my youth

At times I'd like to break you
 and drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
 and hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
 and I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend, a brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

Thursday, April 10, 2008

#143.

BOO HOO.
the pain is back again.

thanks to brother, i have fallen ill.
and it BETTER go away before the oral.
otherwise, its so gonna kill. T.T

yesterday took napfa 5 stations.
and I FOUND OUT, as long as i had a 1 point,
i lose my chance of getting a gold.
NO WONDER i never ever got a gold.
cuz i get lazy when i do the inclined pull ups.
to pass, i must do 3. thus i always do 4 and stop there.
thus this year, i did more and really did the 5 stations.
didnt really count,
but hopefully i dont get stuck with a silver. :DD

oh. and its been 2 years since i heard him call my name.
kinda miss it. HAHA.

today had chem test.
screwed up on the copper powder thing.
gracee was like pulling my skirt, telling me its navy blue, NOT BLACK.
and hock was like laughing his way down.
sigh. i was the one who told him how to test for ammonia lor! HAHA.

and ys really scared the daylights out of me yesterday. )))):
IM SORRYYYYY! xD

i love the amaths test today! XDDDDDDDDDDDD
so darn happy.

and IM HAVING A FEVER. )))))):
i dont wanna fall sick!
and i dont wanna take medicine! )))))))))))))):

RACHAEL IS TIRED.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

#142.



虽然收敛了许多的情感
还是泄露了我的不安
于是你开始冷淡
我也开始问自己该怎么办

如果你知道我的遗憾
千万不要再不以为然
我的生活已经混乱
到处漂流却始终靠不了岸
这是我最后
最美最真
最心碎的留言
oh 爱我好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落
oh 爱我好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落

如果你知道我的遗憾
千万不要再不以为然
我的生活已经混乱
到处漂流却始终靠不了岸
这是我最后
最美最真
最心碎的留言
oh 爱我好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落
oh 爱我好吗
我愿意让伤心再来一遍
只要你留一个位置给我
哪怕是在你心中
最容易被忽略的角落

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

#141.

RACHAEL IS EFFING TIRED.

imagine me sitting in the hall from like 3 plus to 7pm!
Watching people walk up and down,
and laughing our ass off everything.

today's a maths class was really sucky.
not that it was bad,
but i just couldnt stand numbers and alphabets today.
dun know why.
i gave up, and laid down to sleep. for awhile. HAHA.
then woke up to read, and i chanced upon this poem.
this poem woke me up,
jing and eileen thought i went mad.
suddenly laugh to myself.

the poem goes this way:
And there he was,
Staring into my eyes as a child stares at candy.
He was an image of perfection.
His sea blue eyes were as deep as the ocean,
And, oh, so full of mystery, like a treasure waiting to be opened.
He could win any girl's heart,
But he was awaiting my response to the question.
My stomach was churning like milk in a blender.
My heart was beating as if i had just run a marathon.
I was so excited that he had asked me,
Not just any girl, but me.
All I had to do was get the words out,
But it was hard.
His perfection stunned my thoughts,
Yet I managed to reply in a cool manner,
The words flowing off my lips as water flows through a stream.
"Sure, you can borrow my pencil."

-Joanna Long

ROFL. i swore i could laugh out loud.
then after maths, dun know why, we started to get high.
LOTS of funny moments happened in the class,
of course when there were only us in the classroom.
All of us practically laughed till our tummies ached.
Then went for speech day rehearsal,
and there were many parts we laughed throughout.
until i didnt realise it was 7pm.

and now im effing tired.

also came across this quote,
and i think its so true.

"You always believe your first love to be your last, and your last to be your first."

Monday, April 07, 2008

#140.

RACHAEL'S CHANGED HER BLOGSKIN.

dun know how to explain the change,
but anyway, the links part looks different from the rest,
without the lines,
it's because i simply dont have patience to do the links one by one.
HAHA.

yesterday they screened death note 1,
and YEAH. i know im slow.
it's been so long.
but well, i suppose it's hock's first time too! :DD

today's maths free period was great.
we waited for the librarian to have her lunch, then we played cards,
and guess what.
someone, whom till now no one knows, FARTED.
omfg. hock's reaction was effing funny.

and,
i realised,
JINHWEE AND AFEEQ GETS HORNY DURING HISTORY CLASS.
today started again,
and afeeq pasted this note in my wallet,
and i shant post what he said.
super effing horny.

HAHAHA.
i also realised, i get emo when doing science practical.
had a hard time sketching the graph,
and when i did,
collins said: wasted space. redo can?
rachael looks at him with those eyes,
and he says: say yes. okay. go get graph paper.

i was like. ask me for what. since i DONT have a choice.
HAHAHA.


If you get there before i do,
dont give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through,
i dont know how long i'll be.
But im not gonna let you down,
darling wait and see.
And between now and then,
till i see you again,
i'll be loving you,
Love, me.

This will be the last bet.
Take care darling.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

#139.

MY INTERNET SUCKS. ):

today went to holland road to pray and such.
there werent any fun and whatsoever.
AND I HAD TO WAKE UP EARLY. X(

oh. but I REALLY LOVE GIRLY.
SHE's so EFFING CUTE. :DDDD

cousin they all came to play mahjong, but I WAS BANNED. ))))))):
must wait till im 21. ))))))))):
but i dont mind, if im playing with them.
the way they play is the real silent killing.
they pong and game without a sound.

IM GLAD I DIDNT PLAY WITH THEM. XD

Saturday, April 05, 2008

#138.

MAHJONG IS EFFING FUN. :)))))))))))))))))))))))

finally learnt how to play it.
went to ys house to play with jing, hock, wc, minhui, bernard, and kimsiew.
had fun laughing.
my first game, tiles like shit.
second game, oso like shit. but managed to win. XDDDD
and i was supposed to say zi mo, but i went pong. i nearly lost it.
HAHA.
third game, tiles super nice. but jing won before me.

so went home to try wahjong on viwawa, v funny. and fast. T.T
i cant even catch up. before i have decided, they time out.
and the way they say hu is SOOO CUTE.
HAHAHA.

people who wanna play, go to http://www.viwawa.com.
you will not regret.


howr' u?
i miss you.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

#137.

TODAY WAS DAMN FUNNY.
brother woke up early just to play prank on me.
went to school, pranked hock and th rest saying got test and such.

speech day rehearsal, spent more that 99% laughing with hock gabriel and the rest.
laughed together about the P., the young boys, and that npcc guy.
hock and i were betting and such.

best is ricky kor. sms-ed him, asked if he was at home.
he said no. goood.
so i said: orh. cuz im now at tpjc bus stop, and i saw ur photo pasted on your house block de lift.
he replied: ya. i paste one. somemore got two, one with beard and one without.
ROFL.
i wanted to reply april fools, but in the end tried to play along.
but he's too smart. HAHA.

chinese lesson was crap.
jinhwee hock zakee varian and eugene got horny.
couldnt stand it.

and the way jinhwee walks is SUPER DUPER OBSCENE.
HAHAHA.


i give up.
im totally disappointed.
i feel like crying again.
i feel a sense of loss again.
time and time again,
people tell me there's a hidden meaning.
people tell me things like 'u will never know'.
but now i know.
you've given up.
thus i will only ask one last time,
and by then if there's no answer,
i will give up totally.


Even to think of forgetting is too painful.
- Shikibu